How to Handle Criticism

You cannot control what is said to you. You can only control how you respond. One of the most stressful communications to respond to is criticism, particularly when it does not appear to be constructive, or even justified.

You can be responsible for increasing your own stress levels if you react negatively to criticism, regardless of whether it is justified or not.

The key to rationalizing the criticism is to take three simple actions. These are:

Agree with the truth of the criticism.

If there is truth in the criticism, acknowledge this when dealing with the critic. Do not dispute facts. Denying facts usually intensifies stress. For example, claiming you did something when it can be proved that you did not will simply extend the criticism.
If there is no truth in the criticism, you need to decide whether you are going to stand and fight, or let it go and hopefully reduce your stress as a result.


Agree with the logic of the critic.

You might feel that a critic is being unfair because she is looking at things differently than you. You must accept that the critic has a valid view, and that her suggestion might work, even if you do not adhere to her thinking.
For example, if your critic says, "You are spending too much money on repairs. We should just dump this old copier," you can agree that you are spending too much money without necessarily committing to her solution.


Allow for the fact that improvement is possible.

Don't try to deflect criticism by attacking. When your critic suggests that you could do better, it is tempting to claim that you cannot, or even to attack her own abilities. Instead, recognize that there is always room for improvement, but avoid committing to changes.
Similarly, don't reverse the criticism by saying something like, "You would not have done better in the same situation." This serves only to invite the critic to try to prove you wrong.

Criticism becomes productive when you accept that your behavior can be changed, and you are willing to do so. It becomes unproductive when you are not open to change. Then the criticism process will simply repeat itself.
Agreeing with the truth or logic of criticism is not a commitment to behavior change. Neither is acknowledging that improvement is possible. These three approaches merely limit the potential conflict that could arise from your instinctive need to retaliate.


Remember, you have control over how you react to others' comments—use that control to your advantage, and let it help you to cope with the stress you feel.